Awesome Mop Water

 So I have no carpeting in my apartment- it’s all tile, and I have a few throw rugs.

I saw this recipe for mop water and wanted to try it.  I went to the witchcraft store and not only got Alex the real good quality catnip they have, but dragon’s blood essential oil.  I love the smell of dragon’s blood.  

I quadrupled this recipe, because I have so much tile flooring.  I didn’t have quite enough white vinegar for a full “quadruple”, but it still smells amazing.  For the isopropyl alcohol, I used liquid hand sanitizer.  It really picked up a lot of dirt, and the apartment smells like that essential when I walk in. 

That’s Not Pasta 🍝 🎍🎋🫑

 That’s actually some Chinese plant, similar to bamboo or tofu. It’s zero carbs and zero fat. High in nutrients, and you only have to boil it for two minutes. I chopped up an onion, celery, and poblano pepper and tossed with vinegar and oil. It’s extremely good. 

Changing Habits 🍇 ☕️ 💁🏻‍♀️

 I’m eating healthier. Since the 23rd of August, I’ve only cheated five times. The first two times was because of a massive headache from sugar withdrawals that all the BC powder in the world couldn’t fix. 

Before August, I almost always had sweets for breakfast. That’s a hard habit to break, especially when nothing is open before 11:00 am that has anything but sweet breakfasts or things like bacon and eggs, which I never liked.  

I finally got into the habit of just having grapes with black coffee mixed with skim milk. Maybe it’s not ideal, but it’s better than donuts. This is my typical routine with coffee now, and grapes are easy to grab from any store. 

Cool front tomorrow! 🍂🎃

I took a picture of this baby clothing display, because the baby modeling in that picture looks exactly like my deceased cousin Evan when he was a baby. 

I’m so happy there’s a cool front coming tomorrow!  I was just thinking- when I die, I hope I don’t die like RIGHT before the first cool front of the fall season. It’s my favorite time of year. I hope God at least allows me to feel it one last time. I don’t know what made me think about that- morbid? Maybe. 

 

Extremely Exhausted 😴🥱😪

 I can’t get any pep today. I’m just trudging along. I’m sitting in the parking lot of a Target in a very wealthy neighborhood. Someone around here is smoking a cigar, and it smells amazing. I don’t know why, I’ve never liked cigars. 

One of my childhood friends posted on Facebook, “God gained another angel today RIP.” With a picture of four women, and one of the women in the picture is her mom. I’m so confused. Did her mom die?  Like who died here?  The comments don’t give it away either.  I always liked her mom- I just accepted that I’m going to have to let it go unless she posts more information. There’s really no good way to ask which of the four women in the pic is dead. 

I’m a little sad that the cat of one of my friends also died. This was a white cat, and they groomed him so that his body hair was short and his face was fluffy. He looked like a little white lion. He was not that old, only about 9 or 10. My cat Alex is 8 years old. This little cat had a lot of problems tho, Alex doesn’t. He was to my friends what Alex is to me- an unofficial therapy cat. I’m going to loose my mind when Alex dies. 

Space 😶😪

 I need some space. 

A lot has happened in the last week with my boyfriend and his kids. To make an extremely long story short, his parents aren’t going to babysit for his kids anymore. I’ve been waiting years for this moment. They hate babysitting, and I’ve been trying- ugh never mind, on to my point. 

There’s an older woman that my family used to go to church with that is probably in her late 60’s. She watches her own grandkids and some other kids. My boyfriend and I went to see her the other day to see about her babysitting his kids. Luckily, my boyfriend seemed to trust her and like her. 

She pulled me aside the other day and asked me, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”  I felt like a kid getting caught with spray paint graffiti. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“With this family,” she said. “Pretending to be their wife and mom?” 

I told her they are three people I care about very much. I was careful not to use the word love. That word gets controversial. She told me, “quit playing house and make something of yourself.”  

Says the woman who stays home with a bunch of kids. I think she used to feel like my father helped single moms a lot and led them on like he wanted something more, but then didn’t ever cheat on my mom with them. Is she still mad about that?  Does she think I’m becoming like my father?  Or does she still see me as a foolish teenager?  

I didn’t tell my boyfriend what she said, nor did I tell him the history behind it. I didn’t want to ruin it for them. 

Then I got this song massively stuck in my head: 

https://youtu.be/51u5fnyrGj4

I’m about to start a reclusive stint. I don’t want anything to do with anyone, including my boyfriend. I need space. It’s not his fault or anyone’s fault. 

Major Shopping Day 🛒

 I had a therapy session yesterday, and the assignment is to take a few days off and do nothing but get organized and self care. I started this morning with a big trip to the grocery store. They had 32 packs of bottled water 3 for $10. That’s 10 cents per bottle.  When you buy water from the convenient store, it’s at least a dollar, sometimes as much as $2.50. No one is allowed to drink or refill from water fountains anymore, so it’s a necessity being out and about. I’ve often brought four completely frozen bottles and drank them as they melted.  I put two packs in the big closet and put most of the rest in the freezer and some of them in the fridge for now. 

I bought these first along with three boxes of sparkling water with caffeine. Caffeinated sparkling water is popular right now as a healthy alternative to soda or diet soda. They have a little flavor but not much. They’re good enough just to “feel like” you’re drinking soda and get the caffeine. 

These six items practically took up the whole cart, so I bought them before doing anything else and went out to put them in the trunk. Then I came back and walked up and down the aisles, but didn’t do any cold item shopping. I went to pick up Evita and she helped me carry things up and then started homework while I put things away. Later on, we went to Walmart for cold items and produce. Everything I got is so much healthier than my last trip. Let’s hope I can make lifestyle changes. 

Random memory of my dad

 My parents in 1970.  

Once when I was about five years old, me and my dad were in the family room watching a Chicago Bears football game. My dad left the room for a while and when he came back, the game had started already. He seemed anxious and asked me, “What happened?” 

Five year old me decided to describe it in detail. “Well first, all the guys lined up facing each other. Then they all started running into each other. Some of them fell down. Then one guy threw the ball and another guy caught it.”  

My dad started laughing, and I didn’t know why. Lol. 

20 years ago 🙏🏼

 I’ve had a lot of anxiety all week, because the impending 20th anniversary of 9/11 is kind of everywhere. 

On September 10th, 2001, I was caring for young children in a 24 hr facility. I was scheduled to work until 11:00 pm but ended up not getting off until a little after midnight. 

I got home and for some reason I felt very dirty. I stayed in the shower for a long time and only got out when the hot water was out. I stayed up until about 5:30 in the morning. I was facing three upcoming days  off of work  

I was asleep when this friend of mine named Jason called. He told me what was happening, and I was groggy. I told him, “Jason, shut up.”  

He insisted that this was happening. He was one to normally make bigger deals out of things than necessary, and I told him “Give me a break” and hung up. 

Then I turned on the tv and oh shit!  Jason was telling the truth? I spent all day in front of the tv, very sleep deprived. 

And in case you’re wondering, I did apologize to Jason. 

Mental Health Day

 

I did a whole lot of nothing today. I sort of organized my things. I was going to do laundry but didn’t. I still have clean clothes for at least a week, so I’m good. I misplaced my bottle of Paxil and dealing with that has been an absolute nightmare. I didn’t take it for about five days, and there were no real side effects of this, but trying to replace the bottle has been dehumanizing. The date of my next refill was supposed to be 9/19.  The pharmacy denied it but said they could refill my contraceptive.  (I asked about it, it wasn’t like they were switching Paxil with it.”  Which didn’t make sense because the contraceptive wasn’t supposed to be refilled until 9/24.  I’m so confused. I thought it was the contraceptive that was supposed to be so hard to access, especially for “Texas women”. 

So I called the psychiatrist and the office manager called me back. She basically acted like the mother of a five year old (with me being the five year old) over the fact that I can’t find the bottle. She literally sounded like she was chastising a child. I shut her down. I told her how she sounded. I said if she didn’t want to call it in, then all you need to do is notify the doctor that I will not be taking it. She has to know these things. Manager said, “Oh no I’m going to call it!  But we just did this for you a couple weeks ago!” 

Huh? I thought. I said, “No you didn’t.”  

After arguing back and forth whether she did or didn’t, she finally checked my chart and realized she was thinking of someone else. She very quickly went from the snarling chihuahua to the smiling chihuahua.  “Aww you and this other patient look so much alike!”  Now that that conversation is hours past, I’m wishing I would have thought to answer her with, Do you think we all look alike? Too late now tho. 

Also? It’s not like Paxil is crack. If she’s that worried about it refilling someone’s Paxil twice then what’s in it?  Like it has street value?  Why are you working for a psychiatrist if you want to be a bully? 

I spent the rest of my day watching the Gaia network, which is the Woo version of Pureflix. In not sure how I ended up down that rabbit hole. 

Alex’s “Girlfriend” 🐈 💕 😿

 

I’ve mentioned before that there is an orange stray cat in my apartment complex. Several things have made me call her Alex’s girlfriend. She seems like such a sweet girl. This morning I left the house at 5:45 am. It was still dark. I went to the gas station on the corner to fill up and realized I forgot my wallet. So I went back home, and I noticed that this orange cat was sitting right by my front door. She scurried away when I approached the stairs. Before I opened my door, I could hear Alex doing his sad meow. I realized that she heard him from wherever she was and went to my front door to comfort Alex. It’s not the first time. 

I’m about 80% sure I’m going to start taking steps to keep her, or at least get her inside my home sometime. 

Signage

 I don’t ever mean to make fun of signage when bad grammar is used, but I often cringe when there’s just one problem in the whole sign. This one has a lot to unpack, and the last word just had me rolling. It sounds like a Roman god. Julius Inconvenius. 

I digress. 

Tidbits

 I saw this painting in a convenience store. The toddler son of one of my cousins has decided that my name is “Aunt Hammy.”  I love that and think it’s hilarious, but it also makes me picture a very dolled up piglet. Or a pig in the kitchen with an apron or a little dress on. Aunt Hammy. That’s me. 

I’m trying to eat healthier, so I tried wasabi peas. They were disgusting and tasted like paint chips. I felt like this baby   

There isn’t much else going on. My AC is fixed!  Evita quickly made some new friends in high school, thank God!!!