Old News Story 📰

I listened to true crime garage episode about the unabomber. I kind of? Remember when they caught him but never knew the details. He was the one that was mailing bombs to people over the course of 18 years. He killed 3 and injured 20-something. He sent a “manifesto” and told the FBI that if it was published in the Washington Post, he wouldn’t do any more terrorism. 🙄 

So they debated whether or not to publish it, because they never want to give in to terrorists, but they did and his own sister in law read it and was like, “Honey? This sounds like your brother.” 😂 

So his own brother turned him in. 

I remember my dad always having these out loud fantasies about getting to turn one of his brothers in for something. He always speculated it like it would be so awesome. Then I realized that this is where it came from. He saw these news stories about the unabomber’s brother and was jealous. 😂 

Happy Mother’s Day

 Evita and I relaxed most of the day and made banana bread muffins with Nutella icing. I also went on Amazon to order some things for the apartment- mostly artwork and frames, but also a book for my stepdaughter’s 11th birthday called Sixth Grade can Really Kill You, but Only if You Let it. I read this book and its sequels when I was a kid. KJ my stepdaughter is MUCH better about wanting to read books that I loved when I was a kid than Evita ever was. If I ever tried showing Evita a book I used to love as a kid, she’d try super hard to look interested, but just wasn’t 😂. 

How I make Greek egg lemon soup (Avgolemono)

First I boil a whole chicken in a large stock pot. This takes forever. It not only cooks the chicken but it makes the water into good broth. 

Chop up whatever vegetables you want in the soup. This is onions and celery. 

 

Mix the egg lemon sauce. I crack four or five eggs and squirt enough lemon juice into it to have enough lemon flavor for the whole pot to taste a little lemony. 

When the chicken is ready, let it cool and take t he pieces of chicken off. It’s too much chicken for the soup so take three or four freezer bags and put some chicken pieces into each one for later meals. 

Make three or four servings of instant rice. 

Mix it all together and heat till bubbling a little. 

 

Ethnic Stores

 I had an interesting couple days doing audits at all the ethnic grocery stores around town- Chinese, Indian, Middle Eastern and other ethnic places. They’re easy due to not having a lot of beverages and often being small (but not always).  

In the Chinese stores, I noticed these: 

It’s duck eggs, but the red wrappers make them look like Greek Easter eggs. 

At the Indian store, I bought this: 

I’ve never had it and never heard of it  might be good, might not  

At the middle Eastern store, I got a big ass thing of grape leaves that are huge, because I love to make stuffed grape leaves, and the bigger they are the easier it is to roll them up  

Role Reversal

 Today was Orthodox Easter so we had to go to church with my mom and then out to lunch. 

When I was a little kid, literally the only thing I learned about anything in the Greek Orthodox Church was that I needed to sit still and be quiet. 

Today I realized that the roles between my mother and I have reversed in this matter. During the service, she was constantly leaning over and whispering actual gossip about random other people in church. At one point, I actually told her “Shhhh!” As if I was the mother. 

Times have changed. 

Workday

 

Some people said that if I got my own place, then it would be nearly impossible to do the day trips or two day trips for audits. But I proved them wrong today. 

I noticed a lot of high paying, quick and easy audits all concentrated in Nacogdoches, Lufkin, and Livingston, TX. I headed out about 5:00 am and planned on taking two days to do all of them, possibly sleeping in my car in between. However these truly were quick and easy and I did all of them in all three towns by 5:00 pm. I headed back to Houston, got stuck in some traffic downtown and by the airport but basically got home at about 7:00 pm. 

I just need to plan the routes and execute accords to plan and be careful not to veer off all over creation because I see another easy one over there and over there and over there. If I do that, I end up too far away to be able to get home at a decent time. The rule today was no farther north than Nacogdoches. I stuck to it, but did all the jobs in half the time I expected to. I would have made it home by tomorrow evening, even if I had ventured into the ethers. 

Unmotivated

 First of all, nothing cheered me up more today than this dog. 

Last night, I got the brilliant idea that I was going to stay up until midnight just to watch the first three episodes of season four of The Handmaid’s Tale when they posted on Hulu. That was a bad idea. Not only did they suck, but it was basically 45 whole minutes of the main character being tortured. This wasn’t good for my nightmare situation. I only slept from about 4:30-6:00 am. 

I got up and went for bloodwork. I did two beverage audits- one at a Kroger and one at a Chinese store. I had avocado toast from Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and then went home and fell asleep literally until 4:00 pm. I went and did another beverage audit at another Chinese store. They’re easy. Now I’m wondering what I’m going to do all night. 

Slowly but Surely

 Yesterday I found my retro looking crock pot in my parents’ garage. This was a gift from an elderly mother and daughter that I worked for, they gave it to me while I was helping them pack up for a move. 

I also found these little shelves that I got at a garage sale a while back for $1.  It makes a good spice rack!

Also I’m kind of shook that my boyfriend cut his hair. It was in a long ponytail before. I never thought he’d do this. I knew he was thinking about it, but just brushed it off when he talked about it. He told me last night and I was like, you did what?  I said, send me a pic. So he sent me a selfie of his face, looking exactly the same because his hair was always back.  I was like, no, of the back. I just can’t believe it. 

Love My New Place 🏡 🖼 📚 🛏

 Things are going great with the move, except for the fact that the movers canceled on me and the apartment has this minor inconvenience. That’s the silverware drawer, and yes I’m going to have to open the oven every time I want silverware. 

Also, Alex had a rough time at first, but at least he’s quiet now. He’s still acting kind of weird. I didn’t get good sleep last night because he was bonking the hell out of me. (And sleeping on the floor). I realize now that I should have moved more of my things before I brought him over. I didn’t know he would freak out so badly, and with no furniture or carpeting, he was echoing loudly. 

My mom went through the kitchen and got out everything that’s technically mine, even the stuff in the pantry that I bought once upon a time. There’s a box of noodles made from black beans. I bought it weeks ago because it was interesting, then forgot all about it. I asked my mom, “How does it feel to de clutter your kitchen?”  She exclaimed, “It feels great!”  She was genuine about it feeling great. I don’t know why people think she needs me at home. 

Evita discovered that her bedroom windowsill is big enough for her to sit in, and she’s in love with that idea: 

After Alex’s initial freak out, he was quiet for a while then I absolutely couldn’t find him anywhere. I was so puzzled. Nothing was open to the outside, and there was no furniture for him to hide behind or under. I opened all cabinets and looked behind doors. Then I found him under the kitchen sink looking like this: 

Also I ordered this picture for the bathroom and a wood frame size 11x17:

I used to have this picture in my old bathroom when I was young and single the first time.  It went beautifully with a hunter green shower curtain and hunter green towels. 

I also ordered this for the kitchen: 

Move-in Day

I can’t believe today I rented this place! It’s a 2 bedroom 1 bath about six miles from my mom in Houston. 

I applied for it on Tuesday and moved in today. I’m kind of overwhelmed, because a huge part of me was expecting it not to happen. 

 

Winner

 That would be me! Again! 

My job issued another contest.  Whomever did the most approved audits for Campbell’s soup would win $100. The top five get $100 each, and I’m number 2. 

These were the easiest jobs ever. It was literally walk in, find the Campbell’s soup, take pictures of the four foot section or sections they were in, and that’s it. They were low paying, but then went up a couple times, but they were so quick and literally on every corner that I personally made about 1.5 times as much as if I’d spent time doing the higher paying audits. I did them alllll over houston and I did them from sun up to sun down. 

I wasn’t expecting a contest bonus, but it’s coming!  Hooray for me!

 Who remembers this sentiment from when you were growing up? “Be somebodies instead of somebody’s” means to have an identity in a career instead of having a boyfriend or husband. I was raised this way. I used to feel a lot of passion for “what I did” for a living, viewed my career as a calling, etc.  I don’t feel that anymore. It’s not that I no longer feel it was a calling- it was- it’s just not that anymore. My time doing all that is up, and I don’t have the desire to do it anymore. I have a job that I just do and get paid for. I give them what they need, I get paid. It’s simple. It’s not my identity, it’s not what makes me “someone”, and it’s not something to be super passionate about like I was raised to believe.  But it’s still ok. It’s still a good thing. 

My boyfriend and I have known each other since we were 15, and that’s been 28 years. Minus about 9 years that we lost contact and got rekindled on social media. We got reconnected on social media in 2009. I was going through a divorce but he had just gotten married. His kids were born quickly after that, and in 2012 or so, he pulled up a message with me telling me that his wife was leaving him for someone else. He also told me in that message that he’d always had a crush on me but never told me when we were in high school. We had a mutual friend who liked me, but I never liked this mutual friend back. I think if he’d told me he liked me then, we would have ended up together. But who knows. If we ever go there with “what if”, then we always conclude that our kids would be different people, so there are no regrets. 

When the kids were toddlers, they were removed from their mother by cps and he ended up with sole custody. It was a super scary time, especially this three or four month stretch when they were in foster care and he literally didn’t know where they were. A few months after he gained sole custody is when they came into my life. His daughter has faint memories of her mother  that are all negative, and his son has no memory of her. 

A lot of people say that whatever a man’s ex has to say about him is what the new girlfriend or wife should really listen to about what kind of man he is, but does anyone really adhere to that?  If they did, no one would ever get married a second time. I’ve had one conversation in my life with his ex wife. She told me that he was abusive and that he tampered with her birth control pills and forced her to have the kids. I ended up asking precisely how he did that. I was curious. Birth control pills are individually stored in punch through foil. So I asked her how he tampered with it and how he managed to put them back to look like the packaging hadn’t been messed with. And did he do it both times, for both pregnancies?  She got offended at my questions and blocked me.  I mean, I was truly curious. How do you go about doing that to birth control pills?  

I’ve always been told over the years that the fact that he was married before and has children is a red flag. I’ve been advised to talk to his ex wife about what kind of man he is, from people who don’t know that I did talk to her, and who do t know that she physically abused her children to the point that they were removed by the state. What if anyone knew that she told me he was abusive and that I don’t see him that way? 

Also, does the good advice to talk to the man’s ex about what kind of man he is also apply to the wife of my ex husband?  Is she supposed to get my opinion of him?  She’s a wealthy and privileged woman living in an affluent part of town and has positions of considerable influence with political organizations like the league of women voters, Texas Democratic Party, and a few others that I know of. I could only imagine her response if I had ever “warned” her about him- and am I allowed to have such a response to my own boyfriend’s ex wife?  

I feel like it’s a double standard for sure. 

Plus, we are 42 and 43 years old. Is having a previous marriage and children still supposed to be a red flag at this point in life?  Who are we supposed to end up with then? The 40 year old virgin? And why is it only a red flag for the man and not the woman? 

I’m just questioning the norms here.  I struggle a lot with my relationship and whether it’s the right thing to be doing. It’s not that easy to just break up though. I would be loosing a friend that’s been in my life since I was 15.  Also with the fact that he has two kids- I’d be breaking up with three people. 

Would I meet someone else?  How awkward would it be to be in this kind of relationship with someone I just met, when I’ve been in one with a literal lifelong friend?  How could that ever compare?  

There seems to be embedded in me this feeling that it’s wrong to be in a relationship at all. I can’t seem to shake it. I know it’s irrational- or is it? There are times when my mind is racing and he literally brings me back to earth and gets me centered, and I love him for that, but he isn’t supposed to be doing that for me. I’m supposed to be doing that for myself. There are times when I’m not having a good day at all and he shows up, and it becomes a good day. But I am not supposed to be dependent on him for that. I am supposed to pull myself up out of slumps. 

I have times when I catch myself feeling like I love his kids the same as I love my own. I find myself kind of finding satisfaction in my role in their life and feeling like it makes up for Evita living with her father. Like, in a way they might be my “replacement children.”  And that’s wrong too. 

My mind wanders to what would happen if we broke up. And I’ve been heartbroken before, but nothing would ever compare to the level of heartbreak this would cause. I can’t even imagine the level of heartbreak- a 28 year bond and two kids. It would fucking suck. That’s for sure. 

Work Drama

 Omg 

Yesterday the round of beverage audits that Coca Cola pays for posted on the map, and the pay structure was missing our incentive pay. Usually each location has a base pay of $X, and there is an incentive of 20 cents per display. So if there are 20 beverage displays, an extra $4 is added to your pay for that location. 

When they posted yesterday, they were only showing the flat rate of pay without the 20cent incentive. People exploded in the forum. I know many of my blogging buddies have told me to stay out of the forum and I have.  But this issue was hard to ignore their reaction to. 

They all concluded that the company had decided just not to pay the 20 cents anymore and wanted people to do the audits for just the flat rate. So the same work for no pay. They ranted and YELLED IN ALL CAPS all day long that they are never doing this again. 

I mean it’s understandable.  I wouldn’t do any more of those either without the incentive. But it was obvious to me that that’s not what happened. I knew it was an error on their part. Lately, there seem to have been a lot of stupid typos. I assumed this was one of them and that they’d be fixed on Monday. I spent my time doing other things. 

Then the boss popped in this morning and apologized for the error and that whomever did an audit would be paid the 20 cents per display manually, and that these would be back on the map by 5:00 eastern tonight with the correct pay structure. 

Ok so I was right, and she just made a typo. Typos happen!  But they are still just YELLING at her and actually calling her names like stupid and looser. 

I would never act like that on any kind of job, even the jobs I had that paid crappy. And this job really pulled me out of a shitty situation. I’ve had a lot of colleagues actually, in most of my past jobs, that always and constantly lamented that the company would go out of business and there would be no more jobs in the world ever. People have this fear, a lot of people. It has really played with my emotions, and I don’t appreciate it. This kind of mentality from people has caused me unnecessary anxiety in my life. I live in a city of five million people, there will never be “no jobs”. 

Im realizing a lot of things lately that have caused unnecessary anxiety in my life. It’s rather liberating.