I have an evil aunt that is 92 years old. She’s my mom’s sister. She was 13 when my mom was born. No I’m not making this post because she’s dead. She’s not dead yet!!! A couple months ago, the word was that she was “getting close” but then she bounced back. So I guess she’s like Svengali in more ways than one. (Kevin is insisting that the one that was too evil to die was actually “Svengoolie”. This debate of ours might lead to watching some 1930’s horror films soon).
Anyway, there are two lies that came from Aunt g’s mouth that I want to call her out on in this post. She’ll never read it, but it helps to get it out.
First of all, when I was a teenager, she told me that everyone hated me. In fact, it was a shouting match in the middle of the garage during a garage sale she was helping me with. She got mad because whenever someone talked me down in price, I would just say ok, and not haggle back. I honestly didn’t care! She started screaming and getting crazy in the garage and was literally right in my face screaming “EVERYONE HATES YOU!” And I don’t know, here we are almost 30 years later, and since then, most of my cousins have joked about celebratory actions they’re going to take at her funeral. Aunt G has 7 grandkids and 12 nieces and nephews besides me, and we all have extremely dramatic stories of abuse from her. I was thinking out loud at how many visceral reactions I have to this day that instantly bring me back to the garage with her screaming in my face that everyone hates me. Sometimes it’s automatic, like the littlest things will remind me of that and then I’m physically back there.
Well today, it dawned on me. Everyone actually doesn’t hate me. In fact, I would say the vast majority of people don’t hate me. And actually, here’s the kicker- zero people are joking about tap dancing on my casket when I die. No one is doing that. But! That’s what people are saying about her. So I would say I have a leg up on her for that.
Another lie she told me when I was growing up was this-
That there was no way I could possibly ever have a boyfriend or husband who truly wants me. In fact, she said, if I ever found myself with a man who I *thought* might be actually interested in me or actually in love with me, then according to her, he was actually playing a joke on me.
I’m sure you can imagine what havoc that’s caused in my life. But in the end, it’s not true. When I think back to that lecture from her (when I was about 15-16), and I look at Kevin and myself, I think- Aunt G knew exactly what she was doing there. As a mom of a teen now myself, I get it. But I don’t get it in an understanding sense- I get it in a “how dare you“ sense. She 100% knew that telling me that would form a core belief that would travel with me throughout my life and systematically mess with me both in the day to day and in the long term. She knew it would cause harm, and that’s what she wanted.
I can’t really imagine telling anyone either of those two things. The only people that “everyone hates” are probably men who are serial killers and men who abuse children sexually. And even then, there are a few out there who want to spare them.
The thing about “any man who appears to want you is just playing a joke on you” really starts smelling like a lie as I get older and start to realize there’s literally someone for almost anyone. Seriously, have you ever seen a couple get together and think oh my god, how did even THEY find someone??? I have plenty of people in my life that I thought this about when they announced engagements or whatever. It just shows that there’s someone for everyone. What she did there was plant a seed that would hopefully cause me to sabotage my own relationships. It’s not working.
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